a pillowcase full of legos

Found the other pillowcase. Still missing legos.

I sent that to SLF on Skype a couple days ago. It probably makes more sense to her and me than anyone else, but it seemed particularly telling in that way that completely random statements can be. I’ve spent most of the last week and a half not unpacking, merely shifting piles of stuff from one spot to another on my floor. A lot of things have felt like they were missing, or misplaced, or lost, or left behind. I’ve been missing one of my black pillow cases since the day I got in. I thought maybe I’d left it in London. As for the legos…. I have a little lego TARDIS that broke on the way over and the legos have mysteriously disappeared. They may be in with my clothes, which went straight into the dresser.

A pillowcase is something that a grown up would worry about. It’s functional, sometimes aesthetically pleasing, and kids really aren’t that bothered about their existence. Legos on the other hand symbolize childhood and carefree feelings, possibility and creativity.

I’ve hit a point in life where I have to focus a bit more on the adult things, the responsible things, like finding a job. I have student loans to pay on, dance classes to pay for, and savings to accumulate. All the pillowcase stuff. It’s the things I have to do to keep going on as I want to. I’m starting to formulate ideas of where I’m going next, what I might be doing. So focussing on finding pillowcases makes sense right now, it has a purpose. I’m still missing the legos though – friends, travel, adventure – and really can’t wait to get back. Maybe one day I’ll have a pillowcase full of legos.

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Author: Monica

punk rock ballerina. writer. adventurer.

2 thoughts on “a pillowcase full of legos”

  1. And I’m sure you’ll always have awareness of your adult playfulness and creativity.. and then it’ll be all complete for sure.

    s

    1. thanks :) I’m working on ways to keep it. I actually did find the pillowcase (in a small pocket in my suitcase) and the legos, just the other day, in a bag that has been in the US for the past year. I’m not questioning it, just going to take it as a sign of things to come.

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