so many things, what to do with time

Tonight I’ve opened up Final Cut and I’m transferring in some video footage to put together a clip reel for a friend. I’ve got Photoshop open and I’m going over all of the 30 digital photos I took at Tuesday night’s concert (granted I shot 2 rolls of film) and a surprise import of fall photos from a week or two ago I’d forgotten about. I’ve got the music up loud, Florence + the Machine, Amanda Palmer, Adele, The Jane Austen Argument, Dresden Dolls, Fiest. There’s a book, or 4, waiting for me once I get to bed, but at 10:15pm I’m finally feeling awake enough, or something like it, to do something today. It’s that kind of a day.

Lately, due to being semi-unemployed (I do freelance work as a digital strategist of sorts) I’ve had a lot of time to do all the stuff I normally want to do. I go to ballet every week at least once. I always have my camera with me and I’m playing around with film. Last week I found my flute, earlier today I pulled out my tenor saxophone… oh and there’s the ukulele. I’ve been replaying Zelda on the Wii. I’ve been reading. I’ve been studying French, for fun. If I could decide on what I want to make with the massive hank of yarn I got in Ireland I’d be knitting. I’ve also been toying with the idea of learning how to sew (as opposed to just knowing how to patch things). I’ve been baking, and cooking.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I do a lot of things. I do most of them fairly well, not to be arrogant, but I do. I enjoying doing all these things I just listed and I’ve invested the time to learn how to do them. But occasionally I feel like I’m pulling myself in too many directions. I’ll never be amazing at any of these things if I don’t let any of them go. But how do you chose between so many things that you love? I do know how I’d prioritize all these loves, but I have trouble really letting any of them go. For example, the last time I seriously picked up the flute or the saxophone I was 18 and in high school. And suddenly I feel old. But playing feels like a natural extension – I have no singing voice to speak of and yet music is very important to me – playing a wind instrument feels like what I’ve been given instead of a singing voice. I love that feeling almost as much as I love dancing and photography. Having a camera in hand is as natural to me as looking at something… and dance, dance is the only time where I feel like I have the chance at creating something with nothing else but me. Then there’s the things I enjoy, knitting, baking, sewing, cooking, reading…..

How do all these things balance? You add in a full time job, family, friends. There becomes something full and wonderful, but even on my own, going at full tilt I find myself sacrificing sleep. So what ends up giving? I’m wondering if I will let something I love fall to the side so that I can continue with something else I love more, or if the things I love will take turns going through my life in waves.

All I know is it’ll be a series of choices, most I won’t even know I’m making. But as long as I keep seeing beautiful things like this, I must be doing something right.

diptych - fall in oregon
Diptych : Fall in Oregon

Author: Monica

punk rock ballerina. writer. adventurer.

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