Bigger on the Inside: the story of a tattoo

If you’ve met me in the real world you know that I’m small and quiet. Not shy so much (anymore), not untalkative (I can talk your ear off), but loud is not a word that would be used to describe me. A bit bigger on the inside.

the only time i’m loud is when i dance
it’s the only time i don’t mind making a statement or being seen.
so when i woke up the morning after getting a gorgeous, bold, bright, colorful tattoo
i’m not going to lie, I freaked out a little.
and then I called on my aunt
you see, she has tattoos
and her daughters have tattoos
and she’s very no nonsense.
she laughed and told me I was fine
which I was
this year had a rocky start
fueled by a rocky ending to last year
and i think it all caught up with me in a moment of nagging self doubt
fueled by the world yelling at young adults for being irresponsible when they are just different
(i’m 27, do i still count as a young adult? i don’t know anymore but i’m surely not a day over 17 in my mind)

I posted a photo of it to instagram and twitter
(pictures or it didn’t happen)
the lyric
i am bigger on the inside
it’s an Amanda Palmer song
the internet is a magical place
and some times human things happen
she saw the tweet
she tweeted back “holy shit”
which i took to be good
then (i found out hours later) she posted it to facebook
and wrote about how surreal it is
(and now i’m writing about how surreal this is)
that i got a tattoo of a lyric from an unreleased song
(that you should listen to, grab some tissues)
a song, that doesn’t feel quite real to her,
because she hasn’t set it down,
made it official,
but there her words are, inked in my skin.
and something is alive and real in that.
something beautiful, enough to be believed
but i’ve heard the song enough in person and on youtube
to know that this song was something
i needed to hear
need to hear

and then,
it’s an intentional reference by her to Doctor Who
a show i enjoy immensely
i’m also small, only brushing 5′ tall
i’m much smaller on the outside you see

we are so much bigger
than another one can ever see
trying is the point of life
so don’t stop trying

promise me 

Tattoo done by Splat at High Priestess in Eugene, OR. He’s awesome!


Tuesday was a long day, if not because I spent 3 hours in stillness while this happened:

I spent a long time working on this design, almost a year between concept & execution. It fits with my first tattoo, so they look like one design. The first covered my love of French & my love of dance. This second, and much larger, tattoo, encompasses 3 things very dear to me. The rose is for my mom. For those of you that didn’t know her, her name was Rose. That upside down heart in the middle of the rose is on purpose, maybe one day I’ll go into what I think of it and why it’s there. The ampersand is for Amanda Palmer. Her music and thinking has done a lot to influence me since I was introduced to her at 17. The words: Trust dreams. Trust your heart and trust your story are from Neil Gaiman’s poem Instructions, which is one of my favorites. And these words just resonate so much with how I live. I trust that things will work. I trust in the crazy notions and gut feelings inside of me. They haven’t led me wrong so far, maybe it’s luck, but maybe it means I’m doing something right.

So far it’s healing nicely. Almost no redness, and so far no peeling!